Chapter 90.

A PERSONAL TESTIMONY

BY

PHILIP MAURO,

Attorney-At-Law, New York City

I came to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ on May 24th, 1903, being then in my forty-fifth year. I did not at that time fully understand what had happened to me, and only learned subsequently, through the study of the Scriptures, that, by the grace of God through faith in His Son Jesus Christ, I had been quicken Ephesians 2:5, and had passed from death unto life John 5:24.

FORMAL PROFESSION NOT AN ANCHOR FOR THE SOUL

For many years previous to that time I had been drifting steadily away from even a formal profession of Christ. There was no aspiration in my soul beyond the gratification of self; and all the exertion which I was putting forth had for its sole object the acquisition and accumulation of means for ministering to that gratification through life. I do not except from this category the consideration bestowed upon my family (who would doubtless give me a good character as an indulgent husband and father), for I count these as within the definition of "self."

The things which I valued, such as reputation, the good opinion of men, success in business enterprises and the like, engrossed my time and thought, and beyond these, which were all of a temporal nature, there was no object in view. I can now clearly see that I had unconsciously made money a god to trust in and to bestow my affections upon, and can therefore comprehend the statement of Scripture that covetousness is idolatry.

Whether or not there was an existence beyond the grave was a matter about which I had speculated much but had dismissed it from my thought. Having become a thorough-going rationalist (and being no more irrational than the generality of those who assume that self-flattering title) I took the ground that it was possible to believe only what could be made evident to the physical senses, and having rejected the witness of God, and so made Him a liar 1 John 5:9,10, and having disregarded "the evidence of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1, I was perishing for lack of knowledge while passing, in my own estimation and that of others, as a "very well informed man."

I had become a church-member and communicant at the age of sixteen; had been for many years thereafter quite a regular attendant on church services, and had heard innumerable sermons; yet I was as ignorant as any Hottentot concerning God’s one and only way of salvation. Such is the wretched condition of millions of excellent people in this "Christian" land and in this "enlightened" century. The Gospel is hid from them because "the god of this age" hath blinded their minds "lest the light of the glorious Gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them" 2 Corinthians 4:4.

WORLDLY PROSPERITY UNSATISFYING

"Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again" John 4:13. Let me add briefly, as touching my material circumstances, that in the practice of my chosen profession (law) I was sufficiently successful to gratify my own ambition and to excite the envy of others; that I was blessed with excellent physical health; and that my domestic relations were all that could be desired. Nothing seemed to be lacking that could insure or contribute to happiness and contentment.

But peace of mind and rest of conscience are not to be found in what the world calls "easy circumstances." Notwithstanding that I had apparently every reason to be well satisfied with my lot, and every opportunity to enjoy the good things of this world, my mental condition was anything but satisfactory. It is hard to picture the state of a mind subject to increasingly frequent and protracted spells of depression, for which there seemed to be no reason or explanation. Certainly I was thoroughly discontented, desperately unhappy, and becoming more and more an easy prey to gloomy thoughts and vague, indefinable apprehensions. No longer could I find mental satisfaction and diversion in the places and things which once supplied them. My gratifications had been largely of an intellectual order, and my mind had been much occupied in efforts to pierce the veil of the material universe, and to discover what, if anything, lay concealed behind it. This quest had carried me into the domains of science, philosophy, occultism, theosophy, etc., etc. All this pursuit had yielded nothing more reliable than conjecture, and had left the inquirer after the truth wearied, baffled and intellectually starved. Life had no meaning, advantage, purpose or justification; and the powers of the much-vaunted human intellect seemed unequal to the solution of the simplest mysteries. The prospect before me was unspeakably dark and forbidding.

"WHERE IS THE WISE?" 1 CORINTHIANS 1:20

But some remedy against settled despair must be found. So I followed others in the attempt to find distraction in the gaieties, amusements and excitements of a godless, pleasure-seeking world, among whom I was as godless as any. Some good people who were interested in me, and who had an inkling of my condition, assured me that what I needed was more "diversion" and "relaxation," and that I was "working too hard," etc. This view of the matter was urged by church members. No one told me the simple truth; namely, that I needed Christ and His salvation. O, the innumerable millions who are stumbling through life, vaguely conscious of a great need, but ignorant of its nature, and having no one to tell them!

I have given this description of my unhappy state at some length in the belief that among those who may read it, many will recognize it as a description of the main features of their own condition. To such I can say with the utmost assurance that there is deliverance for you, full and complete, and that it is not far off, but it is close by. "The word is nigh thee, in thy mouth and in thy heart, that is, the word of faith which we preach; that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth Jesus as Lord, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved" Romans 10:8,9.

So completely has that old condition of mental distress and unrest passed away that I would not now be able to even recall and describe it, but for a record which I made within six months of my conversion. "Who shall deliver me? I thank God through Jesus Christ, our Lord" Romans 7:24,25.

One never-to-be-forgotten evening in New York City I strolled out in my usual unhappy frame of mind, intending to seek diversion at the theater. This purpose carried me as far as the lobby of a theater on Broadway, and caused me to take my place in the line of ticket purchasers. But an unseen hand turned me aside, and the next thing that I remember I had wandered far from the theater and my attention was arrested by a very faint sound of singing which came to my ears amid the noises on Eighth Avenue, near Forty-fourth Street. There is no natural explanation of my being attracted by, and of my following up, that sound. Nevertheless, I pushed my way into the building (a very plain, unattractive affair, bearing the sign "Gospel Tabernacle,") whence the sound emanated, and found myself in a prayer meeting. I was not much impressed by the exercises, and in fact was not at all in sympathy with what transpired. What did, however, make an impression upon me was the circumstance that, as I was making my way to the door after the meeting, several persons greeted me with a pleasant word and a shake of the hand, and one inquired about my spiritual state. I went away from that meeting still in complete ignorance of the simple truth that my wretchedness was all due to the fact that I was an un-reconciled and unpardoned sinner, and of the greater truth that there was One who had died for my sins, who had reconciled me to God by His blood, and through whom I could obtain forgiveness of sins and eternal life. Again I say that no natural explanation will account for the fact that I was constrained to return to a place so utterly devoid of attractions and so foreign to all my natural tastes and inclinations. The people were not in the social grade to which I had been accustomed, and I would have found nothing at all congenial in their Society.

And here I wish to call particular attention to a striking instance of the fact that God’s ways are not as our ways, and that the wisdom of man is foolishness with God. I should have supposed that, in order to convince me of the truth of the Bible and of Christianity it would be necessary to employ the best efforts of a faculty of the profoundest theologians, versed in all the arguments of skeptical philosophy, and able to furnish plausible replies to them. But God, in His wisdom, sent me to learn the way of everlasting life from a company of exceedingly plain, humble people, of little education, to whom I regarded myself as immeasurably superior in all the higher branches of knowledge. It is true that these people knew very little of what is taught in colleges and seminaries; but they did have that knowledge which is the highest and most excellent of all, that knowledge for which one of the most scholarly of men of his day was willing to sacrifice all his advantages, counting them but refuse, and to cast away all his brilliant prospects, saying, "I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord" Philippians 3:8.

So that my estimate of my own attainments was altogether wrong; and the actual truth was that, in comparison with the simplest of those who had knowledge of Jesus Christ as Savior and who confessed Him as Lord, I was but an ignoramus.

I do not remember how many times I went to these meetings before I yielded to the Spirit’s influence, and I do not remember that I was conscious of any benefit from attending the meetings, which, from the ordinary standpoint, would have been pronounced decidedly dull. The crisis in my life came on the evening of May 24th, 1903, when, yielding to an inward prompting which, gentle as it was, yet overpowered all my natural reluctance and repugnance to such an act, I went forward and knelt with a few others at the front of the meeting room. I took the sinner’s place, and confessed myself in need of the grace of God. A Christian man (the same who at first asked me about my soul) kneeled by me and called on the Lord Jesus to save me. Of course, the act of publicly kneeling and calling on the name of the Lord is not a necessary part of the process of conversion. There is no specified place or manner in which the gift of eternal life is received. What is necessary, however, is that one should believe God, first as to the fact that he is a sinner and can do nothing for himself; and second, that Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, the Eternal Son of God, is the Sin-Bearer for all who believe on Him — "Who was delivered for our offenses, and raised again for our justification" Romans 4:25.

I did not know the nature of what was happening, for I did not believe in sudden conversions. I supposed that a change of nature, if it occurred at all, must be very gradual — an "evolution," in fact. But my ignorance of the process did not stand in the way of the mighty power of God, acting in grace, to quicken me into new life Ephesians 1:19; 2:5. I called upon the name of the Lord, with a deep conviction of sin in my heart, and that was enough.

"IF ANY MAN BE IN CHRIST, HE IS A NEW CREATURE"

In the years that have elapsed I have come to a better understanding of the tremendous change which took place that night — though only in eternity will I fully comprehend it. Certainly it was life from the dead. Spiritual things from that moment became realities, and took a place in my thought and consciousness. The things that once had a hold upon me began to lose their attraction. I soon learned by a happy experience that if a man be in Christ, there is a new creation — an entirely new environment — that old things have passed away, and all things have become new; and that all things are of God 2 Corinthians 5:17,18. In a very short time the habits of my life, as well as the occupations of my heart and mind, underwent a great change. The habit of daily Bible reading, and of morning and evening prayer, was immediately established. Often previously I had tried to pray, as I felt the pressure of misery and distress of mind; and innumerable times both publicly and privately, I had "said my prayers;" but it was not praying, for I was in unbelief. I did not believe the Word of God, but criticized and rejected it. I did not believe in the virgin birth of our Lord, nor in His vicarious death, nor in His physical resurrection. The doctrine of His blood-shedding for the sins of others, and of His being made sin for us, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him 2 Corinthians 5:21 I regarded as unphilosophical and unworthy of belief. The only God I knew was the god of materialism, a creature of man’s vain imagination. I had no knowledge of "the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."

DOUBTS AND DIFFICULTIES SWEPT AWAY

Perhaps the most wonderful change Which was manifest to my consciousness, when my mind began to resume its normal activity and to inquire into what had happened, was this, that all my doubts, questionings, skepticism and criticism concerning God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, concerning the full inspiration accuracy and authority of the Holy Scriptures as the incorruptible Word of God, concerning the sufficiency of Christ’s atonement to settle the question of sin, and to provide a ground upon which God could, in perfect righteousness, forgive and justify a sinner, and concerning an assured salvation and perfect acceptance in Christ, were swept away completely. From that day to this I have never been troubled by doubts of God and His Word.